Sunday, 8 July 2012

Pithy truisms on life from Al Gore probably

You are born cold, wet, hungry, naked and disoriented. The very first experience you have is one of getting smacked solid until you begin to cry.

Guess what? It’s all downhill from there.  Life is a punishment, get over it, come to terms with it and deal with it. Your greatest skill on earth is your ability to deal with disappointment.  It’s the most abundant feeling during this so called journey of life.

A lot of wise men say that the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Ah well that would also make it the ideal time to score your neighbours newspaper, or crap on their lawn. Unless of course you live in the Nordics or something, where I guess you really get one dawn a year. Where I do not think this rule would be really applicable.

The corollary to this one is: There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Which is very true, and often it is a train speeding towards you.

Sex and love they say are like the air we breathe.

You only value them truly when you aren’t getting any.

Being irreplaceable in at work, and being driven to excel at your work is a very laudable goal. After all even in the Gita it is written, do your duty without anticipating the fruits of your labour, or something to that effect.

Laudable, yes. However it is also the easiest way to ensure you will never be promoted or recognised for your work. If they did promote you, who would then do your job as well as you can?

Never judge someone, until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

True. Puts some distance between you and the judged person, plus they can’t really chase you, since you have their shoes to begin with.

If you lend someone money, chances are you will never see them again.

I actually believe in this one, and more often than not; it’s just a small tax to be done with them.

The ability to make correct judgements comes from experience.

Again very true, however experience comes from poor judgements and time.  Avoid judgement all together if you can.

A couple of self explanatory truisms in life:

A closed mouth gathers no feet  and If you’re speaking, you’re not learning.

I tend to agree with both, also it has a few unintended consequences, not the least of which is the ability to put on weight with a closed mouth.

Coming back to experience, why is it we never have it when it is needed the most?

Should you know How to win an argument with a woman; please do share and be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Finally, the leading cause of death globally is birth, just as the leading cause of divorce is marriage.

Avoid both if you can.

[Disclaimer: These are just folksy bits of information gathered along the way. They have been floating around since the dawn of the Internet, and can all be safely attributed to Al Gore. He did create the Internet, and I have no evidence to link him to that or the saying either. If this hurts your feelings Mr Gore I do apologise, for all of the information herein is unsubstantiated. Use at  your own risk.]


  1. Some of them are so very true-though I hate to admit to it.

  2. this is really funny. one of your best.