Monday, 5 December 2011

Unexistence: Build a relationship in 45 minutes or less… Taming the Unicorn.

Love really is all in the brain, and Romantic Love is more powerful than Sex~ The American Psychological Society

 There is a gentleman well respected as a notable Psychiatric Scientist called Dr. Arthur Aron who has devoted his entire life to the study of Relationships weirdly enough  love.

Now if I actually believed in the myth of Love and the Unicorn Dr. Aron would be my hero. Regardless of that the dead Romantic in me, does consider him my hero. Why?

Anyone who can devote their entire life to the study of the most unscientific of emotions Love,  and actually be able to quantify the way we feel like in this paper Reward,and manage our emotions in early stage Romantic Love deserves my respect and certainly my attention. Since he advocates an argument for everything that I do not believe in, and yet scientifically backs his position, in my opinion deserves the Nobel Peace Prize at the very least. He just may have cracked the Holy Grail of managing not only Love but Relationships  as well.

Dr. Aron has postulated a series of 36 questions, which he believes can create a bond between two complete strangers in 45 minutes or less. So I am going to enumerate his questions  and answer them as honestly as I can.

I would also like you think of your answers as you read through this really long post, and at the end of it leave me a comment, to let me know if you feel you are any closer to bonding with a figment of my imagination. Personally your comments would provide me the most honest feedback as to whether or not I am Unexisting or just deluding myself. Seriously and honestly, let us put Dr. Aron to the test.

Q1. Given a choice of anyone in world, who would you want as a dinner guest and why?

Well the one person I would like to have dinner with, will not do so. So if at all I had to have dinner with someone, I would like interesting conversation. Couldn’t care less if they were famous or not. Food is immaterial, I would love some intellectual stimulation, or have dinner alone with a decent book. Why? It’s easier to eat alone, and be amused by a book.

Q2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I would rather be rich, than famous. Be a part of the idle rich, and live in obscurity. If at all I needed to be famous, would like the Nobel Peace prize for understanding women.

Q3. Before making a phone call do you rehearse what you will say? Why?

99.99% of all calls I make are business calls, so yes I do go through what I want covered and what I would like to achieve on the call. I do not need to rehearse any personal calls, since they form a minuscule part of my call volume, and are trivial.

Q4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

Any day spent with the one who could make me exist  and convince me to leave the Wasteland is a perfect day. I have been lucky enough to have had a few perfect days in this lifetime.

Q5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I actually sing to my self almost daily. The last time I sang to someone else was about 20 years ago, I got slapped for being such a bad singer and the dog started howling.

Q6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 would you rather retain the mind or body of a 30 year old? What would you choose.

I do not want to live to 90 under any circumstances.

Q7. Do you have a secret hunch as to how you will die?

Yes. If I shared it, wouldn’t be a secret anymore would it? I actually have a fairly good idea of how I am going to die.

Q8. Name three things you and your partner seem to have in common?

Difficult question. I don’t even have an imaginary partner, so the only thing I can think we have in common, is that we don’t even know each other. Hopefully never will.

Q9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

This is going to be a real shocker to you my dear reader. Love,  and having been lucky enough to experience it’s intensity.

Q10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would you change?

I would ensure I was not born. I truly believe the world is a better place without me, which is one of the reasons for Unexisting.

Q11. In four minutes tell your partner your life story in detail.

Let’s be real. For someone who has written several books attributed and unattributed on subjects ranging from Military Technologies to a Novel, to this blog. Driven on a public highway at 3 times the legal limit, to having travelled the world; having bitten by a squirrel to being shot, stabbed skydived, flown at Mach 2, to having the being the recipient of the love of the most beautiful woman on earth, 4 minutes or this blog is not enough time.
I have a boring life. I wake in the morning, go to work, come back. Work some more or write on the blog. The only other activity of note is that I am trying to download the Internet. 42 terabytes of documents I find interesting and counting. Someday I will also read all I have downloaded, if I ever get the time to do so.  Unexistence brings a predictable rhythm of non-eventful life.

Q12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to spread happiness.

Q13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I know the truth about myself. All I would like to know if I could find my Beloved. Personally I think I will win the Euromillions before that happens.

Q14. Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Actually it has been writing this blog entry. And that is why I am doing it.

Q15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Having found true Love. having lost it is a different story for another day. Let’s just leave it at that.

Q16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Easy. Honesty.

Q17. What is your most treasured memory?

A stolen kiss.

Q18. What is your most terrible memory?

Being told ‘Even if you are the last man on earth, you would be wrong for me.’ Twice in one lifetime by the same woman, two decades apart. That takes real talent.

Q19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

 I have already answered this question. That is my answer and I am sticking to it.

Q20. What does friendship mean to you?

Helping bury the bodies.

Q21. What roles to love and affection play in your life?

Seriously? I Unexist, so none what so ever.

Q22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items

I would if had a partner. In a theoretical world, if I did indeed have a Beloved; Commitment, Love, Keep your Word, Be my anchor and let me be yours, allow me to wake up so I see you the first thing in the morning, and the last before I close my eyes. [Yes… sentimental crap. But the questionnaire is bringing out the Romantic, rather than the figment of my imagination. In any case, the qualities have no chance of being real.]

Q23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?


Q24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

My mother passed away when I was 7. I do not really remember her. [ I did say I would be honest.]

Q25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "we are both in this room feeling..."

If you my reader and I were in a room. I could make try and attempt this answer. I actually feel nothing. Which given my state of Unexistence is the ideal state.

Q26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

Winning the Euromillions jackpot.

Q27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I need a partner before I could seriously answer this question. I do not even have an imaginary partner. So between me, myself and I we know we are on our own. Observers of this strange and wonderful world.

Q28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

Assuming this means you the reader. Please leave a comment, and +1 the post.

Q29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment of your life.

My entire life is an embarrassment to myself and everyone I have come in contact with. Luckily being a figment of my imagination it does not matter.

Q30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I lost the ability to cry for about 30 years. Cried a few months ago alone. Never again. Tears are a waste of time and energy. Tears attempt to humanise you. I am anything but that.

Q31. Tell your partner something you like about them already.

Assuming once again that Dr.Aron means you my reader, I actually love it that you have read this so far.

Q32. What if anything is too serious to be joked about?

Nothing. You can joke about religion, sexuality,  racism, abortion, politics, suicide, cancer anything. Life in its self is a joke. You cannot take life seriously, since you’re not going to survive it.

Q33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

Actually I have told the person I wanted to communicate with, what I needed to. So yes I have told her, and don’t regret it. She took out a restraining order against me. Ah well.. c'est la vivre.

Q34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Not having pets or loved ones, what I would have run out with is my Laptop Bag, which has everything important to me in life. Thereafter, the one item I would get is the bag of marshmallows. Why?

I have never eaten a Roasted Marshmallow.

Q35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

The person whose death I would find most disturbing has already passed away.

Q36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

The positive aspect of Unexistence is the fact that since you live in solitude you tend to have a very simple life. My greatest problem currently is that Virgin Media’s Internet sucks on wireless. Too much jitter and too inconsistent a service.

Other than which I cannot think of a single problem in my life.  I have 22db of forward filters but my S/N ratios are still too low. So if you could advise me on that it would be great.

This is a serious and very real study and in no means do I wish to trivialise Dr.Aron’s work. I do have the greatest respect for him.

You could try these questions in your own life, and I for one would love to know the results.

[Disclaimer: I am not a trained professional in mental health. If you feel any closer to me after reading this, let me know. Who know’ s it might even lead to acquaintanceship with people who are not imaginary and might actually talk to me. Unlike my imaginary friends or the voices in my head, who refuse to do so. I really do apologise for this extremely long and somewhat serious post, unfortunately i still can not find my Tanto.]

 Note: If you would like more links to Dr. Aron's work leave a comment and I will do my best to find them.


  1. I actually am quite happy I dont feel closer to you. You are a lunatic.

  2. Thankyou for the compliment. I take it that you are not a candidate to win the Euromillions with.
    I do sincerely appreciate your honesty.

  3. bhai well done. your best piece to date

  4. Glad you enjoyed it. Should read up on Dr. Aron's work facinating stuff.