Thursday, 21 July 2011

I have a Bone to pick with God

They say God created man in his image. And then ran out of materials for women, so removed a rib from man to create the Woman. Which is all very well, but in whose image did he create her and why?

God also tried to be modular; in his wisdom and tried to create both man and woman in a modular  (The Holy grail of true OO and SOA when you think about it) manner using common parts. hence both tend to have brains, though the location of said object is often disputed by woman. Hearts, kidneys, blood, livers and so on. However being a novice at this engineering bit, god made a few mistakes. (The Duck Billed Platypus and me are two examples). Took quite a while to figure out interoperability of parts, and the plug and play design.

I mean the exception handling mechanisms for most critical parts in the body don't exist. Trauma to the heart and you drop dead there and then. Trauma to the brain, and ditto. I mean instead of pain, couldn't we have had a light go off as warning or something. If an arm gets cut, why cant we regrow it.  But the design flaws can be overlooked.

The god decided to put both Adam and Eve or man and woman in this place called Eden and forbade them from eating figs. Why figs, have you ever seen a painting of Adam and Eve wearing Apple Leaves? Or do you find apples sexier than figs? Well hence fig leaves, and it was a fig tree. Seriously.

Like most men and women over time, Adam probably stopped making Eve feel special, got tired of the constant nagging or discovered beer or something. So Eve wandered off to the fig tree, and spent time talking to the snake. Why not an Ostrich or a Wolf why a snake, I wouldn't know. But the Snake being a Snake convinced Eve to transgress and eat the fig.

Consequently both Eve and poor Adam got kicked out Eden. Eve blamed Adam for the transgression and since then men have never understood women. She ate the fig, but responsibility didn't exist at this point. Woman got angry, and hell hath no fury... you get the message.
Women have since relentlessly worked at converting all snakes into handbags and shoes from that day on in retaliation for the fig.
The poor fig a rich source of vitamins and minerals has become an alleged aphrodisiac. Man has become a vestigial organism otherwise known as metrosexual.

And finally when I do meet God, I have a bone to pick.. specifically my missing rib. And I want it back.